Unsent Letters • 10.19.2018

My Love,

Sooo… what’s her name?

I’m not, contrary to popular belief, a total imbecile. I KNOW you. Something is wrong.. off.. I can’t put my finger on it, but I would swear on a stack of bibles that there’s something I don’t know. There’s gotta be..

In the better part of a decade I have yet to be made to feel any less than I have this past month or so. I really, really dislike it.. the feeling, I mean, not the decade..

If I lived to be 100 I could never understand what’s happened between us.. I absolutely canNOT win with you anymore..

Maybe there isn’t a somebody else, maybe you’re just done with me.. but at least I would have something to go by when I start to wonder..

I miss you. Like, all the time..

– A

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Unsent Letters • 10.09.2018

My Love,

It’s almost 9PM and you still haven’t gotten home from work. You left so early, you must be all but worn through.. I don’t often give you near enough credit for the work you put in for this family (I’m not sure I ever have). 

I’ve been looking through old boxes and old memories and whatnot. You know.. just reading back through stuff I wrote ’cause I was too scared to say it out loud.. How I felt and what I thought and my opinions about you and who you are.. 

There’s so much love and so much anger and my God, there’s so much hurt locked up in there! – it makes me kinda glad you haven’t ever wanted to read them.. 

I don’t say thank you enough. Thank you for no reason than just being yourself. I don’t stop to tell you how amazingly proud you’ve made me over the years. I’ve not yet spoken aloud about the many ways you’ve made my whole world better, for the simple fact of having you in it. and you do… 

I sure as hell don’t say I’m sorry without adding a but, although in my defense you don’t say it at all.. 

Always, when a few well spoken words might be enough, you will choose silence. You’ve kept your silence even when I’ve all but begged to hear your voice.. though I’m not begging anymore.

In the end, it won’t be some great big distance that separates us, it will be all the silence living right here between us.

I love you anyway..

Stuck on stupid

Stacks of nothing fill the room from wall to wall… Little things of no consequence that probably haven’t been seen in far too long. The sweet nothings of our years that make life worth it.

I’ve been trying so hard to get back to you, Love.. Back from a nonsense unlike any I’ve seen.. and I’ve seen it all..

Somehow or another, I have got to get my world to right itself or I’ll get lost here. And I’m trying.. I really am, but it’s just not happening for me and I don’t know what to do.

I feel so stuck…