My biggest fear is that something will happen to Gracie. Whether I’m with her or not, it’s always at the back of my mind. I still sleep with a baby monitor in her room, and probably will for a very long time. When she was little (well, for about four years actually) I would lay in my bed at night and listen to her breathe. I don’t think I slept for more than a couple of hours at a time until she was about five. I would lay there and just listen.. It was like I needed to know she would still be alive when I got up in the morning.
Gracie hasn’t really been sick for a while now. April 10, 2014 was the last night (knock on wood) that we’ve had to spend in a hospital but I’m always ready to go if need be. I guess it’s just one of those things.
On a smaller scale the list is a little longer..
Spiders – if they’re close enough to get me, driving between big rigs on a multi-lane highway, losing my children – both literally and figuratively, public singing or speaking, Dratton deciding that I’m not good enough anymore, my car breaking down in the middle of nowhere.. I could go on forever..
Something that you’re proud of
I’m proud of the way my life is today. Being happily married and almost debt free isn’t something I thought I would be at 38. A decade ago I was a junkie, homeless and married to a man who wasn’t nice to me very often.
I’m proud of myself for choosing my children and myself over my addiction and for keeping the promises I made. It wasn’t easy.