Light and Dark

There’s just something ’bout the way the sunset over water that brings everything to life…

All that darkness trapped beneath the surface crying for the light left in the clouds..

“Please don’t go; don’t leave me here where I’m alone and I am lonely..”

And so the sun lights up the sky with all the colors she can find, making the whole world burn with red and orange and gold. Until at last she disappears leaving a way for all the stars to twinkle brightly for a while..

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Nightmares and Dreamscapes

Will there ever be a valid explanation for this chaos I call life?

Don’t get me wrong, having been given the gifts of free-thinking and will, I am all too well aware of the fact that the choices I make are my own.

I hope that something gets better one day, ’cause this shit has got to improve. Won’t be long before there’s nothing else I can lose and I’m tired.

I’m barely holding on these days. My fingers are getting sore. I’ve lost my grip and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Don’t let me drown..

Don’t let my die away..

Don’t let me fade into the nothing of the darkness in my soul..

Conundrum

My world has always been sort of a conundrum.. A series of events that somehow paint a pretty picture, and yet always leaves you waiting for the punchline.. Like a storm-thrown sea beneath a cloudless cobalt sky, I just keep wondering where lightning’s gonna strike.

There is beauty in the chaos of my days, I haven’t seen it in a while, but I’m positive it’s there.

Maybe theres something I’m not seeing.. Something small that makes it all come together like it’s supposed to; I just can’t see it from wherever I am. But I have before and I will again..

Unsent Letters • 09.10.2018

My Love,

I’m writing you this letter because I don’t want to talk. It seems like everything we say becomes a fight. Instead of listening to each other we’re so quick to take offense, but nothing helps so we pretend and that’s not ok anymore.

Not for me.

Around and ’round and ’round we go til I can’t even breathe. I don’t see clearly anymore and I think its making me sick, but I love you and I don’t want to let go..

You’ve saved me in my darkest dreams and always kept me safe, and I’ll never have the words to make you see.

I appreciate so many things about the man you are – or used to be, but you’re a stranger nowadays and I don’t know you..

Like a soldier waging war in some far away country, who you are is a mere shell of who you were. Our yesterday feels like a waking dream that sits there waiting on the edge of my mind and I just wanna fall back into bed…

I wish you’d come with me ..

Unsent Letters. (What would you do?) 09•08•2018

DISCLAIMER : I guess you could say I’ve been going through some personal stuff. These letters are simply my way of releasing my angst out into the universe. If you have any insight or wisdom you think might help me work things out, keep it. I’m not looking..

My Love,

Today was just one of those days, wasn’t it? From beginning to end the whole thing sucked. I somehow pretty much cried myself awake, and then my little girl cried herself to sleep.

Why is that? Do you know? Cuz there’s just no good answer – not that I can see anyway.

There’s no good reason for any of this. Ever. And yet it happens again and again.

I wish I had a solution for us.. for all this arguing and all the hurt.. though I’m not really sure it would help anymore; after having been pushed so far away for so long…

But my honest dilemma.. the one in my heart, is my little girl feeling unloved. She’s been telling me so for too long and I can’t just dismiss how she feels.

I’ve been treating her like she’s just some spoiled brat and not taking the time out to listen. Ive defended her actions but taken your side and for that she thinks I’m choosing you.. and she’s been right.

All this time..

For the last couple months I’ve been trying to step back; get an actual look at what is. It’s unfortunate really, that I couldn’t see it til now..

I hate you because you don’t love her.

I hate me because I ignored it.

I’m done.