Unsent Letters • 10.11.2018

My Love,

I miss you..

Knowing you were there was all I ever really needed and I miss that.. I sit and think about it sometimes – how it was, how it is, how I want it to be…. and more often than not it just makes me feel sad. But on days like today, when I’ve been alone for too long, I stop crying and then I get angry. I can’t help it. It really pisses me off to know it didn’t have to be this way.. To know that if you’d made an effort and spoken to me, even once, we just might have survived. Hell, we would probably still have a chance if you wanted, but not if I’m here on my own.. doing all the work. Not in a literal sense, of course, but if I make the compromise, I take the loss or the blame or the lead.. and I refuse. I’m not willing anymore to be left here alone and it breaks me. So I miss you…

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Unsent Letters • 10.19.2018

My Love,

Sooo… what’s her name?

I’m not, contrary to popular belief, a total imbecile. I KNOW you. Something is wrong.. off.. I can’t put my finger on it, but I would swear on a stack of bibles that there’s something I don’t know. There’s gotta be..

In the better part of a decade I have yet to be made to feel any less than I have this past month or so. I really, really dislike it.. the feeling, I mean, not the decade..

If I lived to be 100 I could never understand what’s happened between us.. I absolutely canNOT win with you anymore..

Maybe there isn’t a somebody else, maybe you’re just done with me.. but at least I would have something to go by when I start to wonder..

I miss you. Like, all the time..

– A

Not Whispers

Ok soooo… God isn’t whispering at me. He’s SHOUTING.

I wrecked my car today… barely…

Truth be told, it should have been a whole lot worse than it was. My car should have rolled over when it landed in that ditch.

Hell, I wasn’t even going all that fast. A very good friend lost her father today and had called in a moment of hysteria and asked if I could pick her little girl up from school. I looked down at my phone to check the time and hit a puddle.

It was that fast.

Suddenly my momma was trying to climb in my lap and she’s saying “I have to get out! I have to get out!”, because she’s afraid that if she settles back at all in her seat the car will roll.

I had to LITERALLY turn sideways and use both of my feet to get my door open.

We should have rolled.

But we didn’t..

Rescue Me

I need your

Inner light

To guide me

And your hope

To lead me home

I hear your voice

It is my compass

When it feels like

I’m alone

You calm my

Soul

When I am shaken

Still the tremors

Of my life

To find you gone

Leaves me forsaken

And a little less

Alive

I see you

Reaching out to save me

And I slowly

Turn around

For I’ve yet

To catch my breath

From the last time

You watched me drown…

A N H

10.15.2018