This child. I swear to Jesus she will be my undoing..
Sometimes I think too much. Sometimes I read, or sometimes write, but I’m not often left on my own.. so when I am I enjoy taking pictures. Mostly forests or sunsets or scenes that just breathe in some way. Maybe I’m bringing the outdoor world in to myself..
I don’t know, but I love it.
I could honestly go on forever with these but I won’t…
While I’m thinking, I guess if I’m honest I’d say that the camera itself is my happy place.
I’ve never thought about it that way…
The last few days have been lost in sort of a semi-fog that I can’t seem to find my way through. A little dull and unsure of myself, I’ve all but drowned in an ocean my tears and if I’m not careful the tide might pull me under..
After all this struggle, that would be a travesty.
As incredibly sad as it probably is, I’m not even sure that what’s left is worth fighting for.
I mean, how am I supposed to do his part of this? Hell, how am I supposed to do anything at all with the ways things are between us? I wish he would just tell me so I’d know…
I’d do whatever I could to make us better, but I guess for now, I’ll just be sad. I’m trying HARD to get past it but what can I say?? I’ve got issues.
So I left. I did. I hugged my kids and packed my car and walked out. Holy SHIT. I’m not often so irrationally compulsive, but for whatever reason, when he popped off at me for no reason I decided that I just couldn’t do it anymore. There wasn’t a chance in Hell I was going to stand there and take another second of some bullshit that I didn’t earn.
Nope. Not happening.
But ummm… what am I supposed to do now?
I don’t know, but I guess I’m about to find out. This should be fun.